Saturday, January 4, 2014

Sweet and sour...

Today is a day I want to cancel everything on my to-do list, crawl into a ball on the couch in my softest pajamas and cry. I want to cry because I'm frustrated and resentful.  I want to cry because life is hard and unpredictable. Most importantly, I want to cry because after my tears dry I know I'll feel much better. 

Hoping to restore my emotional state, without succumbing to the scenario above, I read an article from Psychotherapy Networker about feeling emotions. '"When her crying came to an end, she dumped her tissues into the wastebasket and looked directly at me with a radiant face. With no more than a second's hesitation, she exclaimed, as if she couldn't quite believe it herself, "I feel like I have a new toy.  And the new toy is me!" A "new to toy" meant she was now in touch with a depth that she'd always sensed was within herself, but had feared because it was connected to a hurt she'd been afraid to feel.  The fear of opening up hurt that had kept her emotionally distant."  

When I was a young girl, sobbing and sad, my Mom told me it was because I had "big feelings". The definition of big is "of considerable size, extent, or intensity," which aptly describes my feelings. Even though "big feelings" are hard to accept and especially to experience, I realize how thankful I am for them. Just as the sweet is never as sweet without the sour, so too are moments of brilliance and true enjoyment, reached without struggle. 
And speaking of pajamas...