It's January 2, 2020, and as I look at the other entries, I see it's been six years since I was here last. During that time I've created blogs at Wordpress, Squarespace, and others, but funny enough it's coming back here that feels most like home. Mostly because it's here I grew up the most in my writing, as well as found connection with a group of devoted readers.
Looking back on my life over the past six years much has changed. I have moved, gotten married, had a child, and am currently pondering the notion of having another. With each of these additions I face the grandest of my fears - I will not be able to do it, and worse, I am not enough.
I recall the evening my then fiance and I walked hand in hand on the beach, and I all but knew he was about propose, yet for the entire walk instead of excitement and joy, the very core of me was riddled with fright. Fear that I was unworthy and undeserving of a man such as him.
Knowing this fear as intimately as I do means I've grown to appreciate it. Instead of denying it a place at the table as I once did, I honor it, and we sit together like friends. It'a a teacher and once I open myself to listen, even if I don't like what I hear, I can learn.