Just Do It..

Shortly, I am heading to my first-ever writing group. I can tell by the couple extra minutes spent on my hair and the current spin of the dryer, meaning my usually-worn-wrinkly shirt is getting unwrinkled, I care what the group thinks of me. My fear of judgment has had a strong hold over me in the past and kept me from following my heart, but not today.

Even though I have a great number of successful firsts under my belt, it seems whenever I push outside my comfort zone my sense of security is shaken. In this case, presenting an intimate aspect of myself - my writing - to a group of my peers touches a place inside that makes me want to run away and hide. Listening to my internal dialog - this isn't important to me and I don't care what they think - is untrue because I know I do care. In any case, it's time to face my fear. Wish me luck... 

A Tree....

When you look at a tree, what do you see? A tree, right? A tree doesn't pretend to be a flower or a shrub, just because it doesn't want to be a tree anymore. The same is true for each of us. For better of worse we are who we are with each experience adding a square to the completely unique quilt of our life.

"For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain." - Henry Longfellow

Don't resist the moments to come. Let them flow. If you're sad, be sad. If you're lost, be lost. There is solace in this. Breathe in and start again, releasing the past. A new moment, a new day awaits. How will you answer its call?

A Spoon and a Boat...

Today's relationship lesson comes from a  spoon, a sugar jar, and a boat. Let's get to it...

In the mornings Chris and I enjoy drinking coffee with sugar. There were a couple days in a row when the usually present spoon magically disappeared from the sugar jar. I know myself and know that in my hurried morning routine I most likely forgot to put the spoon back in the jar. Chris commented a couple of times about the spoon's absence (which seemed ridiculous to me) and on the morning of the last day I will ever forget to put the spoon back, I understood our disagreement had little to do with a spoon.

I'll get back to the spoon in a moment, but first, I need to get explain the boat. Relationships are a lot like boats; if there's a hole in it, working together is the quickest, most efficient way to fixing it. More often than not, when a hole presents itself, our trigger response is to panic, blame, and avoid; each of which leads to the boat's inevitable demise. In order to remain afloat, it's important to remain calm, genuinely listen to each other's ideas, present solutions, apply a fix, and keep each other accountable.

Back to the ending of the spoon story. The morning after we blamed each other over the importance of the spoon, I found a note in the sugar jar. It said "I don't care about the spoon. All that matters is that I love you." My response, which he found shortly after was, "I love you too, and for that reason, this sugar jar will always have a spoon in it." 

My Signature Recipe...

Writing an article each day before midnight has me feeling like Cinderella, excitedly watching the clock all day, the whole while waiting for inspiration to hit. At other times I take to my keyboard like the dormouse in Alice in Wonderland,

drunk on confusion and rambling nonsensicalness, praying to fill a page. And yet even other times, I sense the distinguised psychoanalysts and philosophers of the past looming over my shoulder, whispering their criticisms in my ear.

That being said, the presence of the above three is what makes this an especially delicious dish; with its pinch of pressure, dash of silly, and dollop of prudence. And, most importantly, no meal is complete without its topping of truth and seasoning of love. Now that you have the secrets to my signature dish it's your turn to make yours. Bon appetit!

It's Not Personal...

I've dealt Texas hold 'em poker for 10 years. The procedure of taking a deck and spreading it, scrambling it, shuffling it, rifting it, shuffling it again, then cutting it is done without a second thought. There is, however, one aspect to the game which requires my attention more than anything else and that is the players. When tension mounts and frustrations flair, there's no telling what unwanted things might be thrown my way, from cards to obscenities to insults. At any given moment my job duties vary from traffic controller, baby sitter, to ringside boxing official.

My job has taught me about the game of poker and even more about myself. I've developed tolerance and patience in unmanageable moments, and learned how to deescalate situations using humor and distractions. Yet, the most valuable lesson I've learned is to not take things personally.

My Momma told me, "Don't judge until you walk a mile in someone else's shoes," and she's right.


There's no telling what the person next to you has gone through or is going through, and if I've learned anything from these past 10 years is that it's more important to give that person a break, in their less than wonderful moment, than anything else. It may not be the easiest thing to do or what everyone else around you thinks you should do, but believe me, it is the right thing to do. And remember, it's just not personal.

A Peek Within...

 It's interesting writing in a blog daily. Whether I'm irritated or tired, I write. And, for better or worse, when I push the publish button, there's no going back. What used to be a terrifying act - making my words visible for the public eye - is now slightly less so. I mean, I still question myself and wonder whether people will like what I write but there is a quiet confidence growing in me as well. I've learned that I know what I know and don't know what I don't know. In other words, I've come to understand just how empowering letting go of ego and defense mechanisms are. Allowing who I am to roam freely, without the fear of rejection or imagined peer criticism, feels like walking around with a winning lottery ticket in my pocket.

I know my heart is in the right place - wanting to connect with and help others - and although I struggle at times to find my ultimate reason for doing what I do, I know it's there, gently tugging my sleeve and beckoning me to push the button.