Tuesday, July 23, 2013

I'm coming out...

There are certain things I know and others I don't.  I lead with this just in case I get too ahead of myself and start to speak all knowing and prophetic-like.  The fact is, I don't know a lot.  In my ability to admit I don't know a lot, helps me to be an open minded, critical thinker. 

First things first, I don't believe in god.  Gasp or shrug, whichever suits you, then get over it.  My beliefs will not change anyone else's beliefs that do not desire their beliefs to be changed.  Just as the color of one's skin, sexual orientation, height and weight may not be good indicators of one's values, so too should my worth be based on more important factors than my religious beliefs.

I like to write to push the boundaries within myself.  When my internal voice gets shaken or fearful about what others might think, that is, more than likely, where I put my energy.

The point is, I'm more comfortable in my skin than I've ever been.  Driving around the country over the past year has been a life changing experience which has left me wanting to continue pushing myself, along with using what I've learned to create in artistic ways. 

A blurb from my recent writing:

"She liked her day.  She's always conflicted in her head because she felt pushed and pulled between what other people thought of her.  Yet, at the end of the day, exhausted from berry picking, window washing, and other household chores, along with the minor buzz from a shot of vodka she'd taken moments earlier, she cared less about what "they" thought.  "They" being the thoughts in her head that turned into the voices of people she had known, whose opinion mattered, and to which she gave far too much credit.  Even though she knew the voices were far too hard on her, she enjoyed the constant internal battle.  She, being quite rebellious in everything she did, would argue and debate, or most anything else, with her internal dialog. For a time she worked on being in the "now", which meant adhering to Eckhart Tolle's monotone, spiritual ramblings.  However, she "now" lived her life as close to simple, connected and open-ended as possible.  Even still, guilt, a dark, unapologetic beast, the emotion that backed "they", was her emotional drug of choice."