Inspiration or Obligation...

Isn't it interesting how we take on other people's anxiety as our own? I had an experience recently where a friend planned on moving in with her boyfriend. She showed me a building where her cats were going to stay, separate from her boyfriend's house. I instantly felt negative about her move, as her cats were a big part of her life and their living outside was not something I thought she wanted. When I shared my concern with her she smiled and explained that I must have been picking up on her anxiety about the move. She explained it wasn't her boyfriend that was against the cats being in the house (he actually looked forward to their addition), it was that she was anxious about inhabiting his space.

We behave in ways that we believe will make other people feel better, but in doing so we jeopardize our own well-being. Taking action from a state of inspiration rather than from a place of obligation is makes all the difference between living an authentic versus insincere life.

Give only when it feels good to do so. 

If taking action feels good - do it - and if it doesn't, wait. The inspiration to act will come at just the time, at just the right moment. When you give when it feels inspiring to do so, you will flow seamlessly with the stream of life, or closer to do so anyway. It seems inspiration hasn't quite hit me yet, so I guess I'll take my own advice and wait...    

A Walk in the Woods

Cold as Ice...

Last night, while visiting with a friend, the topic of comfort came up. We discussed how efficient and comfortable our lives are and how it might not necessarily always be a good thing. Henry explained how taking a daily cold shower decreases stress and lowers a person's body temperature. He explained that Russians believe lowering one's body temperature by one degree can equate to ten more years of life.  

I remembered our conversation just as I went to step into the shower today. Instead of turning the nozzle left like I normally do, I turned it right instead. Since there was no need to wait for the water to heat up, I took a deep breath and stepped in. The initial discomfort was so great I only wet my hair for a few seconds before moving my body as far away from the shower head as possible. I used the dripping water from my hair to wet the rest of my body in order to soap up. When it was time to rinse, my desire to make the water warm was so strong, but I decided against it in an effort to follow through with giving the Russian theory a fair shake.

It's been forty-five minutes since my shower and I'm still cold and I want to put a coat on. However, utilizing a mind over matter technique, I found that despite being uncomfortable, I feel refreshed and focused. I guess there's truth to, "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" because even though it felt like I was dying, I'm still here to tell the tale. 

Here's to crazy Russians and cold showers!     

Trust is Difficult but Necessary...

Trust means relying on a person's integrity, strength, and ability. As for me, my trust is shaken due to a recent purchase via the internet. The details are as follows: The Ebay seller said she would ship the item as soon as my funds cleared. I was hoping to receive said item prior to leaving for California, but learned my method of payment would take a week or longer, not in time, so I used a credit card to expedite the process. I then called to stop the initial check, but when I learned it would cost $35 to do so, I decided to email the seller to notify her of the double payment and ask that she send the check back to me.

I have yet to hear from the seller, despite my subsequent emails, and find myself caught up in what if and maybe scenarios. Maybe I should have paid the $35? What if the seller spent the money on a cruise? Maybe I'm too trusting? Or, just maybe I should take my own advice from my "Feeling Goal Time" post and let go of the details, accept the situation, and allow it to unfold how it will. Yeah, that's what I'll do...  

Detach From Attachment...

Each day I learn something new. Some days the lessons are easy, whereas other days the lessons pull the rug out from underneath me, leaving me lost and confused. When I look back at my most difficult moments, it’s always been attachment that has caused me the greatest amount of pain.

In Buddhism, non-attachment is taught to decrease suffering. This process is a never-ending journey and one that requires continual questioning. A good question to ask yourself is “What in this moment am I attached to that is causing me pain?” Sometimes it’s the loss of a loved one, your health, or a belief system but whatever the cause may be, attachment only makes the experience worse.   

Our egos are a powerful force that takes over the mind and won't let go. Eckhart Tolle says, ”The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate from the situation, which is always neutral. It is as it is.” 

Ommmmmm...

It's Not Personal...

I've dealt Texas hold 'em poker for 10 years. The procedure of taking a deck and spreading it, scrambling it, shuffling it, rifting it, shuffling it again, then cutting it is done without a second thought. There is, however, one aspect to the game which requires my attention more than anything else and that is the players. When tension mounts and frustrations flair, there's no telling what unwanted things might be thrown my way, from cards to obscenities to insults. At any given moment my job duties vary from traffic controller, baby sitter, to ringside boxing official.

My job has taught me about the game of poker and even more about myself. I've developed tolerance and patience in unmanageable moments, and learned how to deescalate situations using humor and distractions. Yet, the most valuable lesson I've learned is to not take things personally.

My Momma told me, "Don't judge until you walk a mile in someone else's shoes," and she's right.


There's no telling what the person next to you has gone through or is going through, and if I've learned anything from these past 10 years is that it's more important to give that person a break, in their less than wonderful moment, than anything else. It may not be the easiest thing to do or what everyone else around you thinks you should do, but believe me, it is the right thing to do. And remember, it's just not personal.

Short and Sweet...

Pick up a book nearest you and turn to page 45. The first complete sentence describes your life. 

I picked up the book closest to me and it said, "The night was calm."

I have had two of the best night's sleep in a row. Interesting.

Peter's bus/home

There is a German saying that goes "In der Kürze liegt die Würze" which translates to "in briefness lies the spice." Peter, my old hippie friend, gave me this advice when I hemmed and hawed about an issue in my life. He explained that as soon as an appointment needs to be cancelled, plans need change or any other revisions that effect another person occur, you must let the person know immediately. His words helped me see that by acting sooner rather than later and with honesty, the problem is unlikely to get out of hand, as it so often does. 

Conflict is never easy, therefore do your best not to add to the problem. Remember that pointing the finger and blaming someone else, leaves four fingers pointing back at you. The only person who can change is you, and hopefully, as you others see change you, they will change too.

A clip from Slab City, where Chris and I stayed closed to three weeks during our travels. The white, bearded hair man in the tie-dyed shirt is Peter. Two million views?! Wow, I'm friends with a celebrity. 

Judge Your Neighbor...

Deep in Packers territory.

I am judgmental. I don't like it but I am. It's easy for my mind to put people in boxes such as controlling or annoying then leave them in it, even if their actions prove the contrary. From a sociological perspective, judgment is a natural part of existence. Hundreds, if not thousands of years ago our ability to make a snap judgment if something was life threatening or not was what saved our lives. Fast forward to today and the judgment mechanism appears to be malfunctioning. The defense mechanism that once served to keep us alive now sees someone with messy hair and screams lazy or sees someone with a headscarf and yells terrorist. This dangerous way of thinking, that someone who doesn't look like how you want them to or that how they look causes fear or insecurity makes it seem as though their life is less important than yours. It's just not so. No one life is more important or more right than any other, therefore, it is each and every one of our jobs to continually challenge the stereotypes and judgments we hold.

Judge away.

Byron Katie, a woman who has done extensive research into judgments and their negative effects on our lives made a worksheet called "Judge Your Neighbor." This worksheet is not only something I've given to clients but have done myself and it is one of the best tools I've found in gaining awareness into the limiting beliefs we hold. The consciousness journey begins with acknowledging that maybe, just maybe, you don't have all the answers and that maybe some of the answers you do have from your church, family, or schooling are not the only right way to live and behave. The answer is in the question, so keep asking questions.

Top o' the marnin' to ya! 

Forgiveness, the end.

Walking Chris's dog Jasper while temporarily stopped in the city Santa Barbara, I made conversation with a gentleman walking the same breed of dog. I shared a few experiences in my camper van, and he recalled memories with his ex-wife and daughter, along the California coast in his van. His happy memories soon turned to bitterness regarding how their relationship ended. I found it interesting that despite the beautiful weather, landscape, and company, internally he was a cluster of resentment and confusion.

I asked him, “If you were happy and free of this relationship, what would you have to do to let go?” Quite quickly he responded, “Forgive myself.” 

Forgiveness, not of his ex, but of himself. He explained his ex's cheating and led it to his cheating. It had been years since it had taken place but he still wore it around like a dog's collar. 

Forgiveness of the self is the only way to internal peace. A common question I've heard is, how can you forgive yourself if you don't even like yourself? Start by liking yourself again. Do something special for yourself and say “(Insert your name here). I'm doing this for you because I'm learning to like you.” That's step one. It is the first step to letting go, healing, and transformation.

And one last thing before I go, what If the world ends tomorrow? What is one thing you can forgive yourself for/ What is one thing you can forgive someone else for?