When watching professionals dance the tango, I am impressed by the balancing of energies - the pushing and pulling, slacking and tensing, dominating and submitting - that goes into their performance. Despite the great deal of effort to appear seamless, no dance routine is ever perfect, but the goal is to be as close as possible. In the same vein, primary relationships perform a dance using words, emotions, and body language to facilitate effective communication and connection.
In order to perform the dance successfully, we must first define communication. Communication is not just the words we say or how we say them, it is clearly expressing the emotional need via words and non verbal communication, too.
When we are upset we fail to communicate what we really need or want and instead react out of frustration, anger, or some sort of defense mechanism, keeping us from effective communication.