Tuesday, August 27, 2013

A Response to Dear Miley Cyrus...

"I will duct tape your mouth shut so your tongue doesn’t hangout like an overheated hound dog."
"I will smack any male whom you decide to smash against his pelvis – after I first knock you on your butt for forgetting how a lady acts in public."
"This is what happens when no responsible adult has ever said the word “no,” made you change your clothes before leaving the house, or never spanked your butt for deliberate defiance."

Excerpts from a letter from a mother to her daughter with regards to Miley Cyrus: http://roadkillgoldfish.com/2013/08/26/dear-daughter-let-miley-cyrus-be-a-lesson-to-you/#comments

Reading this woman's anger fueled post brought me to tears.  The mother's lack of compassion for her teenage daughter and teenagers in general astounded me.  Had she not been a teenager before?  Had she not experienced the questioning and experimentation that comes with this period?  Had she not made mistakes and learned lessons from her own choices?  These questions led me to find answers. 

According to psychology's human stages of development, "Teens need to develop a sense of self and personal identity. Success and failures, in doing so, builds a strong sense of self, while disallowing a teen to do so leads to role confusion and a weak sense of self."  If the teenager cannot make mistakes or be honest about who they are or want to be, the individual will struggle with their identity.  As a mental health therapist, I've worked with countless women who come to counseling with low opinions of themselves due to overbearing parents.  Low self esteem led these women to make poor personal choices and in relationships which contributed to abusive, controlling situations.

Awareness is the first step to changing the way we parent and bring these young women up in the world.  Miley Cyrus is a 20 year old girl doing what the majority of other kids her age do in finding their way.  She is not the poster child for morality.  What 20 year old kid is?  It's her job to be a kid, make mistakes, and find her own way.  It is important that mothers are educated and understand the influence they have over their children, while not losing sight of what it's like to be an imperfect teenager.  I never have and never will emulate any one as much as I do my own mother.