Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Trust me...

Discipline: the act of adhering to strict guidelines now for a greater result in later.

My desire to question the incessant thoughts running rampant in my head has lead to mind-body awareness exercises such as meditation, yoga and fasting.  The critical voice in my head came out in full force during a 30-day yoga challenge saying, "you can't do this", "you don't follow through with anything", "what in the hell is wrong with you?!"  This critical voice caught my attention because never before was I so aware of how negative and sneaky it was.

Last September I decided to up the bar by disciplining my mind through fasting.  My intention was to put myself in an uncomfortable situation and learn from it.   I believe discomfort to be a key ingredient to strengthening and healing the inner self.  For ten days I drank only water and tracked in a journal the thoughts in my head.  I realized that our convenience-based society where quick, efficient, and easy are the norm, it is in turn creating laziness and a disdain for anything having to work for. The problem with easy is in order to quit an addiction, change a habit, or transform your life in a positive way it is NOT easy.  The question is not whether it is easy but whether it is worth it?  And more importantly am I worth it?
More often than not, we impulsively think and act on thoughts , without so much a question as to their validity.  The problem is the voice telling us to "have just one more bite", "I can always quit smoking tomorrow", or "it's not that big of a deal", is a liar.  Without curiosity and discipline, the impulsive behavior continues, we feel negatively about ourselves, old patterns continue and worst of all we don't trust ourselves.  No wonder we feel crazy, out of control, and confused.  The ability to be consistent, draw a line in the sand, and stick to our goals builds trust.  I believe trust to be sole basis of change.  
If you say you're going to do something, do it.  If you don't know, don't think you can or don't want to, be honest and say so.  Honesty with yourself is the key ingredient to rebuilding trust. Remember, the voice in your head is critical or complimentary depending on your emotional state.  The less developed, weaker, emotionally scarred voice says "you don't follow through with anything," "this is impossible" and "you're worthless and I don't believe in you."  To be empathetic to this aspect of yourself, let yourself know you're learning to trust yourself again, and that you've got everything under control will help soothe yourself during those times of utter confusion and lack of direction.  Step by step trust will start to return and the goals you set will be met.  Start small and simple.  An example would be to promise to read this blog each week.  Once you do that, then move onto bigger and better, well maybe not better, things.  Ha.